GETTING REAL || Is your friend a wolf in sheep’s clothing?

Vogue.com

Is your friend a wolf in sheep’s clothing?

As women we tend to make friends pretty easily, in the line at the shopping mall, in the dressing room, in your favourite store or even in the bathroom at the club. But, what is the difference that makes certain girls friends and some frenemies? You might think its easy enough to distinguish between the two, but in reality, as women, we know all to well about getting our fingers burnt by the infamous frenemy.

The frenemy parades around in your life in the place of a real friend, they listen to your stories and act concerned with your woes, their sheep skin is just too thick for you to recognize the wolf underneath. So how do we stop getting our fingers burnt by these masked friends? I mean, all of social media now knows you are friends, why would I add all those cute pics of us on Snapchat if I wasn’t in it for the “best friend” status?

The frenemy however isn’t in it for the “best friend” status, all they want is to milk you dry for information and leave with a year’s worth of gossip for the local social media chain. So, how do you drive the frenemy back behind enemy lines? Let’s break it down into steps.

Step 1 – Ask to tag along.

If your suspected frenemy has other friends or is part of a group already, ask to accompany her to one of their outings. It’s a great way to judge if this girl cares for you or if you’re just the odd one out from the rest of them. In a situation like this a real friend will take you under their wing and help you integrate with the rest of the girls, but a frenemy will isolate you and make an already awkward situation worse.

Step 2 – Keep your ears open

This might seem like the obvious step, but sometimes we overlook the most obvious signs, like random people talking about sensationalized details about your life? We often find ourselves thinking, oh yeah I must have said something to her about that? Wrong girl, it’s that sheep who has wiggled its way into your trust circle and breaking it down from the inside.

Step 3 – Keep you head up

Frenemies have this sneaky way of taking a dig at you with a compliment. They never truly open up and share true opinions either. Its like their goal in life is to make you feel insecure. In a situation like this you might think for a split second that she’s trying to better you, and you might welcome that insult as constructive criticism. In reality, that feedback was actually an insult and she just felt threatened by your ability to do something she couldn’t. Be confident in your own skin, if she’s insulting you with a compliment you will know, and you will be able to see her true intentions.

Step 4 – Watch her friend pool

In girl code we have some unspoken rules, if you don’t like someone, your friends shouldn’t like them either, but if your suspected frenemy keeps the girls you hate in her circle, it might be time to reconsider that friendship status.

Step 5 – Social media

Adding someone as part of your social media is a big part of our lives nowadays, so If this girl doesn’t want to add you on her social media, then maybe she’s either embarrassed to be around you, or she doesn’t want her friends to like you. Two tell tale signs of a frenemy!

Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way trying to say that all girls are this way and that you should stay friendless for the rest of your life. It’s just that as women, we tend to wear our hearts on our sleeve so these are just precautions to protect and guard those hearts.

We invest a lot of time into friendships and sometimes those relationships become sacred. Breaking up with a friend takes a toll on a woman’s emotional state. We seem to be a lot less trusting in new relationships and it becomes a lot harder to love someone. This is why we need to be able to sort out the weeds from the flowers before everything takes a turn for the worst, wouldn’t you want to know what is at risk so that you can manage your investment.

Some of us get lucky and find a best friend or true friends in the most unexpected of times, but some of us look for that best friend in the the wrong places and hang on to frenemies in the hope that they will one day be a true friend. Take a step back baby girl, you deserve all the love a best friend brings with it and you shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than just that.

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